So I’ve been up for quite a while (it’s currently 4:37am) and I have actually been so so productive tonight thus far. I’ve watched a movie, watched 3 home and away episodes, took a long shower, shaved, put on a coffee scrub everywhere including legs, torso, arms and face, completely cleaned the kitchen, packed to go home tomorrow for a week or more, cleaned my room and am now writing lists. I love writing lists and I’m in quite an inspirational mood so I decided to make a list of goals that I want to keep in mind from this day forth and then possibly return to them in a couple of months time just to see what’s been happening.

Goals for 17th April onwards

  1. Regular “me” time that will improve my self worth and confidence e.g. painting nails, coffee scrubs, long showers, moisturising whole body, meditation.
  2. Spend as little as possible on takeout food (food other than supermarket shopping) e.g. chocolate, sals, sushi etc. It is unhealthy, it’s a trigger (!!!) and you need to save money. You are a student.
  3. Be friendlier to people, smile and chat with them because you learn a lot from different people (they may just change your perspective or even your life).
  4. Think about myself first (!!!). I cannot be with anyone else until I have gained my self confidence and self love back first
  5. Remember that despite my weight gain I will be on a healthy yet rocky path back to normal eating. Focus on healthy and normal eating patterns rather than “weightloss”. That will come afterwards.

So I was feeling really really uncomfortable today and usually this is a HUGE trigger for me to binge. But today I fully just stopped myself from eating food that I would regret and I feel so much better and more comfortable now and I’m SO happy that I pushed past this. Although this may seem like nothing this is such a huge step for me and I guess it just makes me realise that I am progressing and I am getting better.

I just need to stay on track and take every day as it comes

This morning the lady emailed me back about a flat change. And it looks like something will be going through. She told me that she would sort it out this week, and that my flat change could be arranged in the next few days.

This is exactly what I want, but I’m still kinda freaking out.

How am I gonna get all my stuff from one room to the other? 

How am I gonna tell my flat mates that I’m moving out?

What will my new flat mates be like? Will they be better? Worse? Will I regret moving?

It’s just been one of those weeks where I just cry about anything and everything. I want to go home? I cry. I get put into a shitty group with people I don’t know for a team project? I cry. I never used to cry UGH why am I doing it so often lately

I fucking hate weeks like this 

I moved to Kristin and I thought yeah sick I’ll totally meet someone!

It didn’t happen.

I started at uni and I thought yeah sick I’ll totally meet someone now!

It hasn’t happened either.

I am so sick of this and I can be angry and annoyed as much as I want but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it just makes me sad :(

(Source: carmen-daniel)